Top Ten Joke Tickets
Expect some deeper analysis on which of these stand a chance next week, but as a Friday afternoon wind-down let's just have a laugh at some of the Joke Tickets of 2016.
Oh, and because I can do whatever I want, some of these aren't technically Joke Tickets but I think there's something about them that makes them a joke, so I added them in. Lol!!!!! Can't wait for the hate mail for this one.
EDIT: Forgot a disclaimer. I ran with Cameron Hawkins for SRC/NUS last year, and managed his Board campaign - but you already knew that, right?
10: MAKE USYD GREAT AGAIN - SRC, TICKET I
A ticket like this would have been perfect last year; when joking about Trump being the next President of the US was fun for the whole family, not an absolutely terrifying prospect that looks more and more likely every time Trump stuffs up but still manages to keep close enough in the polls.
As it stands, the policy statement reads as though it's an actual Unity wishlist, so no prizes for guessing the single candidate on the ticket is*. It denigrates "unwashed arts students", accuses Trots of attacking people on Eastern Avenue, and wants to abolish "inactive" SRC Departments to save money (if they're inactive, they're... probably not spending money???). Oh, and it mentions building a wall to keep out UTS students; a great joke this time last year.
People will still inevitably vote for this ticket because "Ha ha ha, it's a joke about Trump", so it probably has a chance of being elected. Can't wait for that Wall to be built.
*Hope you're feeling better Michael Elliott! Power says hi and thanks for all the colour complaints
9(a): IGNITE - SRC, TICKET J
But wait, you say. Ignite is a real ticket, isn't it? They're seriously campaigning out on Eastern Avenue, how are they a joke ticket???
Well, they're not a joke ticket, you've caught me. It is a bit of a joke, though, that the flagship ticket of the Ignite brand is made up of four dudes. I mean... seriously? Any ticket with more than two people should probably attempt a bit of gender diversity, you know? Let's hope this is just a one off, and Ignite does better on the rest of their tickets...
9(b): IGNITE FOR NUS - NUS, TICKET C
Oh come on guys (literally, guys). This is a ticket of SIX PEOPLE THAT ARE ALL DUDES. You had the entirety of the Ignite SRC team that could have been put on this ticket, instead there's three Ignite dudes (Kerrod Gream, Ed McCann, Jacob Masina) and three Unity dudes (Michael Elliott, Sean Tingcombe, Edward Bruce). I know affirmative action is a foreign concept to most Liberals, but I expected at least the Unity members to raise a red flag here. Even the Liberal ticket, for both SRC and NUS, features one woman at least. This is embarrassing.
8: BERNIE SANDERS FOR SRC - SRC, TICKET F
Add this to the list of tickets that would've been funnier a while ago - while the (very very light) policy statement says "the Bern never dies!!!!", it so clearly has. The last Bernie Bro is Jill Stein, polling as well as Harambe (no, really, that's a thing).
I'm hoping for a Facebook page from this ticket soon - headed up by one of the shining stars of USyd Comedy in Declan Maher (Jew Revue Director 2015, Science Revue Director 2016), it has the potential to be amazing. Until then it's a cute concept - Bernie Sanders on our SRC would objectively be quite funny.
7: HALAL SNACK PACK - SRC, TICKET BG
Another ticket with a lot of promise but no policy statement or Facebook page. What's going on? We always have a Maccas on Campus ticket, but this is a far better way to advocate for better (halal) food on campus while also having a shot of accidentally being elected for SRC.
Let's hope for a solid week two from HSP 4 SRC.
6: LEGALISE WEED - SRC, TICKET AX
Every damn year since 2012, Legalise Weed has been a contender to actually get elected. Harry Stratton hit a goldmine with this ticket, and he's brought it back around for another crack. Half of the humour here is that people keep voting for this ticket despite, quite clearly, not getting results.
A reminder: in 2012, he got elected with this campaign video. Yes, he got elected. Anything is possible. Unfortunately this year the ticket seems relatively low-energy - no Facebook page, no policies in Honi. You've got two weeks Stratton, time to lift your game and get Weed Legalised this time.
5: POKEMON LIBERATION FRONT - SRC, TICKET BL
It's back. Pokemon Liberation Front was a flash-in-the-pan joke ticket from years ago (Elected in 2012, missed out in 2013) and with the popularity of Pokemon Go, it's back, baby. Candidate Kane Hardy has just relaunched the Facebook Page and dank content is sure to follow.
The policies of "PLF4SRC" are ambitious even by Joke Ticket standards - overthrow capitalist scum, liberate Chanseys from "exploitative Nurse Joys", and march on "Dr. Oak's lab" (sic). But, you know, it's Pokemon, this ticket still has a chance of getting elected regardless.
4: HARAMBE FOR SRC - SRC, TICKET C
Not to be confused with the far inferior "Bring Back Harambe" ticket, Harambe for SRC actually has some thought put into making the ticket funny and potentially even worthwhile to vote for. Candidate James Cooper has also actually put effort into a Facebook Page with some Dank Memes (expect more on memes next week).
While spreading the "gospel of Harambe" may be difficult, there are genuinely good ideas like a breakfast banana bar, weekly Gorilla Raves, and a meme bank for all students to enjoy (RIP, USyd Memes). The policy of renaming of Unibros to "Harambros" will be a polarising one, and I look forward to Cooper negotiating with Unibros staff over that.
3: REDS UNDER THE BED - SRC, TICKET BD
Now here is some real #spicy #content. Reds under the Bed has a full policy statement in Honi, including abolishing Colleges, abolishing student elections, abolishing the current USyd leadership team including Spence, and abolishing Liberals from campus. Oh, and more action on sexual harassment on campus.
But that was only the beginnings. RutB has used their Facebook page to full effect, launching a tirade against Stand Up and their "empty liberal populism". This is definitely a page to watch for more banter.
2: HARRY POTTER FOR SRC - SRC, TICKET AV
Current Co-General Secretary Lachlan Ward has stumbled onto a winning ticket name, with The Cursed Child making Harry Potter cool again. Both he and fellow ticket member Mirjana "Miki" Stancic are Quidditch players, so you can bet this ticket will be getting dozens of votes from the highly successful USyd Quidditch teams.
Ward is following that up with a Facebook Page with some magical (pun intended) policies, like Butterbeers in the bubblers and Hippogriffs to tackle the Ibis menace. In good news for the ticket, the Quidditch Society is hosting two trivia events in the week of the election, each expected to sell out 150 seats. That's a lot of people interested in Harry Potter in a week where these two candidates will be campaigning to people interested in Harry Potter...
Maccas on Campus is a thing, again, in position BK (Hahahahahaha it's funny because Burger King ahahahaha). I've never really understood the humour of Twins for Tickets but they're in the mix again at position BE. Is that it? I think that's it. "Don't vote for me" and "Bring Back Harambe" aren't good.
NUMBER ONE: SIMPSONS FOR SRC/NUS
SRC TICKET AS, NUS TICKET F
Hoo boy, now THIS is what you look for in a joke ticket. Channelling the successful Camerons for SRC venture from 2015 and Monorail for SRC in 2013, BNOCs Cameron Hawkins and Nino Popovich have combined their raw star power and the popularity of Simpsons memes to create the perfect, very much electable joke ticket.
The recently launched Facebook Page already has a couple of memes, with the technique of adding jokes to authorisation tags already adding much to a great page. Please refer to Nino as "Steamed Hams" or "Thrillho" for the rest of this campaign. Please.
Helping them in the NUS race is a ballot that offers very little choice to left-wing voters. Both Power tickets and the Left Action ticket is made up of members of Socialist Alternative, while NLS holds only one spot on the ballot (Presidential Candidate Isabella Brook) which is a guarantee to be elected. Just like the Camerons for NUS ticket last year, expect a lot of Grassroots members, Honi campaigners, and maybe even SLS members to vote for Hawkins to send him to NUS NatCon. Now THAT is the funniest joke of all.